Today's question of intrigue is brought to us by my dear friend-by-acquaintance-only, Derek. Here is an artist's rendering of what Derek will look like 12 years from now: Derek: 2023
Derek asks:
1) If you clone yourself then kill your clone, is it murder or suicide?
2) If you give said clone a double-Dutch rudder, will a black hole form?
Once broken down, question one is quite simple. The X-Factors are:
A) How many times did you clone yourself?
B) Do you suffer from Eisoptrophobia?
C) Did you really kill your clone, or did you completely underestimate yourself?
If I were to take away the X-Factors, the simple answer would be "Murder," because you have vanquished a living and breathing being that does not and cannot occupy the same physical space that you, yourself, currently occupy. Now let's see how the X-Factors change this otherwise-simple answer:
A) Congrats! You've successfully cloned yourself several times and managed to get rid of Clone 1 because he started hitting on your lady. You've just gotten out of "The Clink" after 4.5 years. You were the prison cook and darn good at it. Your Matzo Ball Soup was unmatched; however, you can't focus on that. You're too mad at yourself for having gotten caught, so you decide to take it out on Clone 2. You lure him back to the exact same spot that you whacked Clone 1, and... BOOM! Double jeopardy! Same crime cannot be tried twice, so you, my friend, are scot-free. And since there is no consequence to this action, murder cannot be the ultimate interpretation.
B) Oh, no! You suffer from eisoptrophobia and you've just turned around to see what seems to be your own reflection staring back at you! Your first instinct is to attack, which is unfortunate for your clone as you successfully take him down for good (candlestick in the study). The verdict: self-defense and insanity - NOT murder. I mean, honestly, the only beings who should suffer from this phobia are animals and babies. And I'm glad they do. Because it's hilarious.
C) ...Or did you successfully kill your clone? Have you really underestimated yourself to the point that you think lying there motionlessly for a few seconds means you're dead? Come on. Give yourself more credit. I mean, you discovered the key to cloning! Doesn't that count for anything anymore? You know you better than anyone, and you know that playing dead is the ultimate way to take the attacker by surprise. Even dogs know this. Have Die Hard and What Lies Beneath taught you nothing?
On to Question 2: I know exactly why Derek asked this; Derek knows that I know absolutely nothing about boating accessories and he wants to trip me up and make me look stupid in front of my reader(s). Now, Derek, there are many situations which could potentially cause a black hole: the collapse of a star's core, the collapse of a star's core values, or snarting.
I want to assure everyone reading this post that the gift of a rudder to your clone -- especially one of double-Dutch engineering -- which doesn't even focus on rudders, mind you -- will not cause a black hole. In fact, depending on the rudder you choose to give, you and your clone may become quite close. I highly recommend the Wedge Rudder if you have a V-Drive, the Small Cruiser Rudder for a fast ride, or the Balanced Universal Rudder for any boat you can possibly dream of.
Stay tuned for my next post which will answer the age-old question: Are book-lovers borne of nature, nurture, or nerd-dom?
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